


How To Kill Yourself

by Starlight_Daylight



Category: Glee
Genre: Just a list, M/M, No Gore, No literal death either, This fic does not teach you how to kill yourself, no mention of self-harm, not really a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-08-14 15:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8019889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Daylight/pseuds/Starlight_Daylight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian is the kind a guy that has steps for everything. How to get through the day, how to get the guy from Scandals, how to get what he wants. So is it really surprising that he has a list on how to kill himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this isn't a self-harm kind of fic. Nor is it a suicide fic either. This fic is inspired by a fic that I have read by punkhamilton.tumblr.com. Unfortunately, I didn't bookmark that user's fic and I can't remember the title of the fic. All I remember was that it's like a list, not a proper fic with dialogues and all that.

_Prologue_

Sebastian Smythe likes order. He likes steps, sequences, A to Z, one, two, three. He has steps on getting guys from bars.

 _Step 1: Initiate eye contact._  
_Step 2: Dance while giving looks to your target._  
_Step 3: Dance with said target_  
_Step 4: Go for the kill_

He has steps to get him through the day.

 _Step 1: Wake up_  
_Step 2: Have breakfast with the Warblers_  
_Step 3: Avoid the Niff couple while eating_  
_Step 4: Answer lecturer's questions to avoid being picked unwillingly_  
_Step 5: Have lunch with the Warblers_  
_Step 6: Repeat step 3_  
_Step 7: Have dinner with the Warblers_  
_Step 8: Head back to dorm room._  
_Step 9: Do assignments and study_  
_Step 10: Go to bed_  
_Step 11: Repeat steps 1 to 10 for subsequent days_

Of course he has steps for special days such as when there is Warbler practice and lacrosse practice. But the main point that is being put across is that Sebastian Smythe likes order. He needs to know what he is doing, when he is doing it and how is he going to do it. And no, he doesn't write these steps down. He already has them ingrained in him. Again, besides the point. So what is exactly the point? Well, the point is that Sebastian Smythe likes order.

Which explains why he has steps on how to kill himself.


	2. How To Kill Yourself Slowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is NOT suicidal fic. It does not contain any gore or mentions of self-harm Well, it's not a fic either. It's just a list. Everything is canon until 'First Time'

1\. Agree to move to fucking Westerville Ohio even though you want nothing but to stay in France

2\. Go to some private boarding school because public high school shouldn't even be an option.

3\. Join their lacrosse team so that you could hit things without getting detention

4\. Get caught singing and get bugged to join some glee club.

5\. Actually join the glee club

6\. Being befriended by the "Niff" couple

7\. Like being part of the Warblers

8\. Find out about "sex on a stick, sings like a dream" Blaine

9\. Approach "sex on a stick, sings like a dream" Blaine

10\. Invite him for coffee

11\. Decide not tell Niff about coffee and Blaine

12\. Have coffee at Lima Bean

13\. Realise Blaine was bland

14\. Never fucking believe Warblers on their opinion of guys

15\. Finding out that he has a boyfriend

16\. Being introduced by said boyfriend

17\. Thinking that the boyfriend is hot as fuck

18\. Suggesting to go to Scandals

19\. Dancing with Blaine

20\. Watching Hummel get possessive and bitchy

21\. Get semi turned on because of that

22\. Changing interest

23\. Not following the Klaine couple when they left

24\. Leaving 10 minutes after they left

25\. Watch Blaine trying to take advantage of Hummel

26\. Not doing anything

27\. Not doing anything

28\. Not doing anything

**29\. Not**

**30\. Doing**

**31\. Anything**

32\. Delete Blaine's number

33\. Unfriend Blaine from Facebook

34\. Visit Lima Bean

35\. Repeat step 34 every day, 3:20pm

36\. Watch Kurt from behind the table behind the ugly fake plant

37\. Go up to Kurt

38\. Insult Kurt

39\. Smile after insult

40\. Continue to repeat steps 36-39 even though Kurt asked you to jump off a cliff and get hit by a cow

41\. Laugh

42\. Slowly join Kurt's table when he's doing homework even though you don't have homework yourself

43\. Notice the small smile Kurt has whenever you seat opposite him

44\. Get his number

45\. Add him on Facebook

46\. Learn Kurt's coffee order

47\. Learn about Kurt's love for cheesecakes

48\. Learn about Kurt's hopes and dreams

49\. Learn about Kurt's childhood

50\. Learn about Kurt's fears

51\. Learn about Kurt's family

52\. Learn about Kurt

53\. Find out about Klaine's break up 3 days after it happened

54\. Pretend to be upset that Klaine broke up

55\. Buy a cheesecake and visit Hudmel's household

56\. Eat the cheesecake and listen to breakup songs with Kurt

57\. Ignore the damn heartache when Kurt's puffy eyes came into view

58\. Ignore the damn heartache when Kurt bursts into tears

59\. Ignore the stupid butterflies when Kurt hugged you

60\. Spend more time with Kurt

61\. Continue the Lima Bean tradition

62\. Call hanging out at Lima Bean a fucking "tradition"

63\. Join family dinner on Fridays

64\. Have movie nights on Saturdays

65\. Have breakfasts on Sundays

66\. Actually enjoy spending your entire weekend at Hudmel's residence

67\. Talk to the parents about Kurt

68\. Ignore their knowing look

69\. Talk to Kurt about your hopes and dreams

70\. Talk to Kurt about your childhood

71\. Talk to Kurt about your fears

72\. Talk to Kurt about your family

73\. Talk to Kurt about everything

74\. Congratulate Kurt for his win in Regionals

75\. Celebrate his win at Lima Bean the next day

76\. Send Kurt home after the ~~date~~ meet up 

77\. Kiss Kurt goodnight

78\. Quickly say "I'm sorry, I think I like you. Bye."

79\. Run away and not notice Kurt's hurt look

80\. Message Kurt the next day

81\. Repeat step 80 until he fucking replies

82\. Realise it's been a week

83\. It's been a fucking week

84\. Realise that you've lost him

85\. Realise a split second later that you can't lose Kurt fucking Hummel if you never had him to begin with

86\. Life still fucking goes on, even without Kurt Hummel. Even if you don't want it to.

87\. Notice the heartache that never seemed to go away.

88\. It's only been a week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add another chapter in Kurt's POV if inspiration hits me (or punch me in the face). Butttt, if ya'll have any ideas, feel free to share! Oh! Kurt's POV won't be a list


End file.
